Forever Changed ~ Part I

Heart of Butterflies Many people constantly move in and out of our lives. Its been said that some come and stay for an entire lifetime while others come for just a season. Some will have a life changing impact on our lives while others might leave little or no impression whatsoever. I believe that all who enter into our lives are there for a purpose. Maybe that purpose becomes known to us in time and maybe it doesn’t. Regardless, I believe that somehow, some way, other people have an impact on our lives just as we will impact theirs.

This impact we have on others raises some questions: What kind of impact or influence will we have on each other? Do our relationships create growth in us or do they create negative results? Do our relationships affect what needs worked out in us, or do our relationships leave us angry, bitter, full of hatred and revenge?

In my life, I have seen many people along the way motivate change in me that has completely changed the path or direction my life was taking. I look back and know for a fact had certain people not been part of my journey I would not have arrived at this place in time being the person I am today. I am thankful for all of these that have come across my path. But, no one has influenced my life in a way that promoted growth and change in me as much as my son.

To those of you who are parents, if you are anything like me, somewhere deep inside when you ponder your greatest fears your mind will turn to your children. Just the thought of something happening to them, the thought of potential harm of any type, can leave all of us paralyzed, shaken and very afraid. For many reasons, that was a fear alive within me, and for as long as I can remember it had always been there. Then one winter day, in January 1996, my worst fear became my new reality. My son, Alan, died and in the blink of an eye my life forever changed and it would never again be the same.

How in the world is a parent supposed to bury their child? How do we get up the next day and finish living our life? How do we put the shattered pieces back together? How do we take another breath of air since it hurts to breathe in and breathe out? How do we live with intense pain that is not only mental and emotional it is also physical? How are we to survive without our child? How do we survive for our other children? How do we keep from literally going insane?

Since Alan’s death I have spent many years pondering these questions and more. There is a path out, and although it is not an easy path, the journey is worth it.

In life we are guaranteed to have many trials. These trials can change life and how we do life and nothing will ever again be the same. They can cause us to turn bitter and angry for the rest of our lives. They can cause us to flee from the God we thought we believed in. Or, they can cause us to fall on our face at the feet of Jesus. We humans usually do one or the other–we flee–or, we fall on our face before our God. And me, well, I fell on my face before God.

In my next post, Forever Changed Part II, I would like to share a letter I wrote to my son, Alan. This letter speaks to ways that I am forever changed for having known him and loved him.

Heart of Butterflies

God Bless!

Kiki

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 The Message

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 1 Corinthians 13:12 The Message

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 The Message

Contact: Kiki @ DancingWithGod@charter.net

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